Where to begin?
I was 15 when I fell in love with him. Things were never perfect, but we loved each other and clung to each other, so they were okay for us. I graduated HS but instead of going away to college like I'd always planned, I stayed. For him. He was smart, really smart actually, but never applied himself, so he'd never get into the colleges I wanted to go to. So instead of college, we moved in with one of my family members for a while. He decided to join the military and we got married. We'd been planning on it for a while, but the idea of us being separated spurred us to finally do it. Two years later, our first child. Three years later, our second. The military changed him. He was very unhappy and hated being away from home, so tours in other countries for months or a year at a time made him very unhappy. Finally, he was out, but now we had nothing. In the time he was in the military, I was in and out of jobs and school, never feeling any urgency because he would say he was staying, or changing to another job that would make him happy, so I thought I had time. I enjoyed raising my kids, but three months after our second child was born, we were moving. Back to NYC where we were raised and into my parents house. We wanted to move South, and that was the plan, but we were deterred and ended up staying in NYC. I never wanted to live here again. A year later, despite an IUD, I was pregnant with our third.
We had a really rough summer. He was at home (we finally had our own place), waiting for school to begin (he had decided to go to college), and I was working, menial jobs, trying to make enough to go with his unemployment and help keep food on the table. I got the IUD at the end of fall. By the beginning of summer, I was pregnant. It would be a few months before I realized (I've never been regular), and when I finally did, it was right when things were starting to get better. I knew he wouldn't be happy about it, but he surprised me. Calming me down, and promising (once I told him I wouldn't abort) that we would be okay. Then things changed. About two weeks later, they were bad again. He asked for a divorce. Said he wanted out. I managed to keep him around, but it wasn't because he wanted to be there.
That was in October. Its March now, and the baby is due in 4 weeks. A lot has happened since then, but he finally left. The kids and I have been living with my family, they've been a lot of help. He comes around a couple times a week to see them. Because I've had some complications with the pregnancy, I'm basically on bedrest, and can't work anymore so I no longer have an income. He gives me money if I ask for it, but not much. I want to move, I need to move, to finally be happy. I only stayed in NYC because he could go to school here for free, but since he no longer wants anything to do with me, I have no reason to be here. I love my family, but NYC isn't for me. I want to move, me and the kids as soon as possible, but with no money, no job, and no prospects, it really seems impossible. I refuse to accept that though. It's gonna be hard, but it would be hard here too, so I'm gonna do it.
I would like some help with a job maybe? Something I could do after the baby is born to earn some income to help with the move. One of my kids is in school and I don't want to leave until the end of the school year, so I'll be around until July at least. I'm gonna need a few thousand to move, I know that, but anything helps. I'm desperate. I've resisted going on public assistance, but I think I've run out of options, so I'm going to have to. If you have any suggestions, or even just some encouragement, I could use it. Thanks for reading.
